Computers can do just about everything these days, from running airplanes to carrying out labyrinthine mathematical calculations. It would seem to be such a simple thing I am asking. I would like a computer to provide me with my own voice. Many people have suggested this: “Why don’t you get someone to take tapes of your speaking voice and create a voice you can use with your computer?” They make it sound so simple. They look like they’ve had a brilliant idea. But it is not so simple.

Roger Ebert, who has been unable to speak for about three years, talks about computerized voice options. The most interesting, though most expensive and difficult, would involve taking hours of tapes of himself from the show and creating a customized computer voice that sounds fairly similar to him. Apparently it is possible. Just really really expensive.